{"id":399,"date":"2018-11-29T08:59:02","date_gmt":"2018-11-29T06:59:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/gocreations.info\/kalliopianthi\/?p=399"},"modified":"2020-02-05T10:02:23","modified_gmt":"2020-02-05T08:02:23","slug":"kalli-radi-11-odlouceni-od-taty","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/kalli-radi-11-odlouceni-od-taty\/","title":{"rendered":"Kalli rad\u00ed (11) Odlou\u010den\u00ed od t\u00e1ty"},"content":{"rendered":"

Mil\u00e1 Kalli, <\/em><\/p>\n

mysl\u00ed\u0161 si, \u017ee je d\u016fle\u017eit\u00e9, aby moje d\u00edt\u011b vyr\u016fstalo i s t\u00e1tou? Jsem te\u010f p\u0159ed rozvodem, \u017eila jsem n\u011bkolik let v \u0158ecku, m\u00e1m 5ti-letou dceru. Budeme se st\u011bhovat s dcerou zp\u011bt do \u010cech. V\u016fbec nev\u00edm jak to ud\u011blat nejl\u00e9pe, aby odlou\u010den\u00edm netrp\u011bla. Sta\u010d\u00ed pos\u00edlat na pr\u00e1zdniny? Jak ji m\u00e1m udr\u017eovat znalost jazyka, aby si s t\u00e1tou rozum\u011bli? M\u00e1\u0161 s t\u00edm n\u011bjak\u00e9 zku\u0161enosti?<\/em><\/p>\n

d\u011bkuji moc, L. <\/em><\/p>\n

Mil\u00e1 L.<\/p>\n

Stejn\u011b jako ke sv\u00e9mu po\u010det\u00ed, tak i ke sv\u00e9mu vyrovnan\u00e9mu \u017eivotu d\u00edt\u011b pot\u0159ebuje matku i otce, a rozvod rodi\u010d\u016f je pro n\u011bj v\u017edy velk\u00e1 a bolestn\u00e1 zm\u011bna.<\/strong> Pokud mu p\u0159edch\u00e1zely h\u00e1dky, k\u0159ik a t\u011blesn\u00e9 n\u00e1sil\u00ed, mo\u017en\u00e1 ho m\u016f\u017ee vn\u00edmat jako \u00falevu. V\u011bt\u0161inou ale situace tak p\u0159\u00edli\u0161 vyhrocen\u00e1 neb\u00fdv\u00e1, a pak m\u00e1 d\u00edt\u011b pot\u00ed\u017ee pochopit, co se vlastn\u011b stalo, pro\u010d se u\u017e rodi\u010de nemaj\u00ed r\u00e1di. \u010casto pak trp\u00ed nejistotou, zda se i v jeho p\u0159\u00edpad\u011b n\u011bco nezm\u011bn\u00ed, zda se nevytrat\u00ed l\u00e1ska, kterou k n\u011bmu rodi\u010de maj\u00ed, a nebude tak\u00e9 opu\u0161t\u011bno.<\/p>\n

Z tohoto d\u016fvodu by bylo vhodn\u011bj\u0161\u00ed, aby d\u00edt\u011b nebylo p\u0159\u00edli\u0161 otci vzd\u00e1leno, tak aby spolu mohli udr\u017eovat pravideln\u00fd kontakt a p\u0159edev\u0161\u00edm pro\u017e\u00edvat spole\u010dn\u00e9 chv\u00edle<\/strong>. Takov\u00e1 je teorie. Ide\u00e1ln\u00ed by samoz\u0159ejm\u011b bylo, abyste se v\u016fbec nemuseli rozv\u00e1d\u011bt… Ale \u017eivot nen\u00ed idylka a tak je t\u0159eba se vyrovnat se situac\u00ed co nejrealisti\u010dt\u011bji a nejprakti\u010dt\u011bji.<\/p>\n

V praxi hodn\u011b z\u00e1le\u017e\u00ed na vztahu, jak\u00fd otec za t\u011bch p\u011bt let s dcerou vybudoval. Pokud spolu vych\u00e1zej\u00ed dob\u0159e, pokud si \u010dasto spolu hraj\u00ed a pov\u00eddaj\u00ed, je to jin\u00e9 ne\u017e v p\u0159\u00edpad\u011b, \u017ee by m\u011bli jen minim\u00e1ln\u00ed citov\u00fd kontakt<\/strong>. Nav\u00edc je d\u016fle\u017eit\u00fd i d\u016fvod va\u0161eho rozvodu. Pokud si nap\u0159. man\u017eel na\u0161el jinou p\u0159\u00edtelkyni, se kterou pravd\u011bpodobn\u011b zalo\u017e\u00ed novou rodinu, je mo\u017en\u00e9, \u017ee se velk\u00e1 \u010d\u00e1st jeho z\u00e1jmu a energie p\u0159enese tam. Pro d\u00edt\u011b by pak p\u0159\u00edtomnost otce, kter\u00fd je sice fyzicky dostupn\u00fd, ale citov\u011b vzd\u00e1len\u00fd, byla v\u00edce bolestiv\u00e1, ne\u017e varianta, kdy \u017eij\u00ed ka\u017ed\u00fd v jin\u00e9 zemi. Tak\u017ee kl\u00ed\u010dov\u00e1 ot\u00e1zka je, nakolik otec jev\u00ed z\u00e1jem o svou dceru a nakolik je ona na n\u011bj citov\u011b fixovan\u00e1. Tam tak\u00e9 najde\u0161 odpov\u011b\u010f, zda sta\u010d\u00ed dcerku \u201epos\u00edlat na pr\u00e1zdniny\u201c. To ti nem\u016f\u017ee \u017e\u00e1dn\u00fd \u201eodborn\u00edk-psycholog\u201c odpov\u011bd\u011bt, na to ti nejl\u00e9pe odpov\u00ed ona sama. Pokud to sta\u010d\u00ed j\u00ed, tak je to v po\u0159\u00e1dku. Pokud pot\u0159ebuje \u010dast\u011bj\u0161\u00ed kontakt, m\u016f\u017eete hledat i dal\u0161\u00ed \u0159e\u0161en\u00ed. Jedn\u00edm z nich je, aby za n\u00ed p\u0159ijel otec do \u010cech. Pro d\u00edt\u011b je velmi d\u016fle\u017eit\u00e9, \u017ee do jeho \u201enov\u00e9ho sv\u011bta\u201c, do \u0161koly, kam chod\u00ed, do pokoj\u00ed\u010dku, ve kter\u00e9m \u017eije, m\u016f\u017ee nakouknout i t\u00e1ta. Pak je pro n\u011b snaz\u0161\u00ed rozvod pro\u017e\u00edvat jako zm\u011bnu<\/strong> a ne jako ztr\u00e1tu. To je ov\u0161em velmi z\u00e1visl\u00e9 na \u00farovni, na kter\u00e9 se nach\u00e1z\u00ed v\u00e1\u0161 vztah s man\u017eelem.<\/p>\n

Tak\u017ee, co vlastn\u011b pot\u0159ebuje d\u00edt\u011b<\/strong> aby p\u0159est\u00e1lo s co nejmen\u0161\u00edmi ztr\u00e1tami \u201ezem\u011bt\u0159esen\u00ed\u201c, kter\u00e9 v jeho \u017eivot\u011b znamen\u00e1 rozvod rodi\u010d\u016f:<\/p>\n

– pot\u0159ebuje ujistit, \u017ee rodi\u010de nelituj\u00ed toho, \u017ee se kdysi sezn\u00e1mili a zamilovali. \u017de jsou si v\u011bdomi i dobr\u00fdch v\u011bc\u00ed, kter\u00e9 jim tento vztah p\u0159inesl a p\u0159edev\u0161\u00edm, \u017ee jsou r\u00e1di, \u017ee se z n\u011bj narodilo ono samo (a p\u0159\u00edpadn\u011b dal\u0161\u00ed sourozenci)<\/p>\n

– \u017ee si v\u00e1\u017e\u00ed jeden druh\u00e9ho a \u017ee si vz\u00e1jemn\u011b p\u0159ej\u00ed, aby se jim da\u0159ilo v budoucnu dob\u0159e<\/p>\n

– aby d\u00edt\u011b bylo podporov\u00e1no v tom, \u017ee nejen sm\u00ed milovat oba rodi\u010de, ale \u017ee jim m\u016f\u017ee svoji l\u00e1sku i svobodn\u011b projevovat.<\/p>\n

Jako rodi\u010de je t\u0159eba, abychom v\u011bd\u011bli, \u017ee d\u00edt\u011b stoj\u00ed na dvou noh\u00e1ch<\/strong>. Tou jednou je matka a tou druhou otec. Pokud budeme ve sv\u00fdch srdc\u00edch udr\u017eovat hn\u011bv, nen\u00e1vist, \u017e\u00e1rlivost, pocit k\u0159ivdy, smutek, tak se tyto emoce prom\u00edtnou do pocit\u016f a postoj\u016f d\u00edt\u011bte. A je to, jako bychom mu podkop\u00e1vali nohy. Pokud matka neust\u00e1le odsuzuje sv\u00e9ho b\u00fdval\u00e9ho man\u017eela, je uvnit\u0159 d\u00edt\u011bte zra\u0148ov\u00e1na a zpochyb\u0148ov\u00e1na nejen osoba otce, ale samotn\u00e1 jeho l\u00e1ska k n\u011bmu. A v\u0161e, \u010d\u00edm je otci podobn\u00e9, je odm\u00edt\u00e1no. Pak se d\u00edt\u011b \u201esm\u00ed\u201c op\u00edrat pouze o matku, je to, jakoby kulhalo, jako by st\u00e1lo jen na jedn\u00e9 noze. Pokud se oba rodi\u010de navz\u00e1jem napadaj\u00ed a pomlouvaj\u00ed, d\u00edt\u011b ztrat\u00ed ve\u0161kerou jistotu a je najednou jako paralyzovan\u00e9, nem\u016f\u017ee se pohnout z m\u00edsta a \u010dasto \u201euv\u00edzne\u201c v\u00fdvojov\u011b, citov\u011b nem\u016f\u017ee dozr\u00e1t a pro\u017e\u00edv\u00e1 ostatn\u00ed vztahy, jako kdy\u017e bylo mal\u00e9, ve v\u011bku rozvodu. S nejistotou, ned\u016fv\u011brou, strachem ze ztr\u00e1ty a z toho pramen\u00edc\u00ed neuhasitelnou pot\u0159ebou, aby se mu neust\u00e1le poskytovaly projevy l\u00e1sky.<\/p>\n

Tak\u017ee, mil\u00e1 L., \u0159ekla bych, \u017ee nejd\u016fle\u017eit\u011bj\u0161\u00ed je, abyste si s man\u017eelem srovnali sv\u016fj vztah tak, abyste poc\u00edtili vz\u00e1jemn\u011b m\u00edr mezi sebou<\/strong> a klid v du\u0161i. Abyste si odpustili tam, kde jste se vz\u00e1jemn\u011b zklamali, abyste jeden druh\u00e9mu uznali a ocenili to dobr\u00e9 a hlavn\u011b, abyste ka\u017ed\u00fd p\u0159evzal sv\u016fj pod\u00edl odpov\u011bdnosti za \u201enezdar\u201c. A t\u0159eba p\u0159ijdete na to, \u017ee to vlastn\u011b nebyl nezdar, \u017ee toto konkr\u00e9tn\u00ed man\u017eelstv\u00ed m\u011blo trvat pr\u00e1v\u011b tak dlouho, jak trvalo, a \u017ee n\u00e1siln\u00e9 pokusy o jeho udr\u017een\u00ed, by p\u0159inesly jenom v\u00edce pocitu ne\u0161t\u011bst\u00ed pro v\u0161echny.<\/p>\n

Pokud oba dojdete k takov\u00e9mu usm\u00ed\u0159en\u00ed (a netvrd\u00edm, \u017ee je to snadn\u00e9 a rychl\u00e9!), tak u\u017e pak fyzick\u00e9 hranice a po\u010det kilometr\u016f mezi dv\u011bma st\u00e1ty nejsou pro d\u00edt\u011b tak d\u016fle\u017eit\u00e9. Proto\u017ee si sm\u00ed n\u00e9st t\u00e1tu v srdci, a\u0165 je kdekoliv. A v\u00ed, \u017ee m\u00e1m\u011b to nevad\u00ed a \u017ee oba mohou b\u00fdt \u0161\u0165astn\u00ed. To je pro d\u00edt\u011b moc d\u016fle\u017eit\u00e9, aby byli rodi\u010de \u0161\u0165astn\u00ed, proto\u017ee pak \u201em\u00e1 pr\u00e1vo\u201c b\u00fdt bezstarostn\u00e9, resp. m\u00edt pouze vlastn\u00ed starosti. Pokud d\u00edt\u011b vn\u00edm\u00e1, \u017ee jeden z rodi\u010d\u016f trp\u00ed, m\u00e1 pot\u0159ebu ho chr\u00e1nit a zachra\u0148ovat, a to je pro n\u011bj z\u00e1t\u011b\u017e.<\/p>\n

Pokud by v m\u00edst\u011b tv\u00e9ho bydli\u0161t\u011b v \u010cech\u00e1ch byl n\u011bjak\u00fd krou\u017eek \u0159e\u010dtiny a dcerka by do n\u011bj cht\u011bla doch\u00e1zet, bylo by to dobr\u00e9 a jist\u011b by to pot\u011b\u0161ilo i otce. M\u016f\u017ee\u0161 j\u00ed pomoct t\u0159eba na you-tube vyhled\u00e1vat \u0159eck\u00e9 p\u00edsni\u010dky a \u0159\u00edkanky, dabovan\u00e9 kreslen\u00e9 filmy (t\u0159eba s n\u00e1m\u011btem staro\u0159eck\u00fdch m\u00fdt\u016f) a podobn\u011b. Je dobr\u00e9, aby mohla vn\u00edmat a pro\u017e\u00edvat i svoji \u0159eckou podstatu, a\u0165 u\u017e se projevuje v jej\u00ed mentalit\u011b, z\u00e1jmech nebo zd\u011bd\u011bn\u00fdch vlastnostech. Aby mohla b\u00fdt hrd\u00e1, \u017ee je jak po m\u00e1m\u011b<\/i> (a babi\u010dce, d\u011bdovi atd. z m\u00e1miny strany), tak i po t\u00e1tovi<\/i> (a jeho p\u0159edc\u00edch).<\/p>\n

Na\u0161t\u011bst\u00ed v dne\u0161n\u00ed dob\u011b technika pom\u00e1h\u00e1 zmen\u0161it vzd\u00e1lenost mezi lidmi, tak\u017ee, pokud by si to oba p\u0159\u00e1li, mohou si i denn\u011b pov\u00eddat, nap\u0159. prost\u0159ednictv\u00edm Skypu, a tak udr\u017eovat nejen pocit vz\u00e1jemn\u00e9 bl\u00edzkosti a z\u00e1jmu, ale i znalost \u0159e\u010dtiny. To u\u017e je na nich. Z tv\u00e9 strany, mil\u00e1 L., je pot\u0159eba, abys jako matka vytvo\u0159ila tuto p\u0159\u00edle\u017eitost, abys j\u00ed nest\u00e1la v cest\u011b. A na otci je, aby tuto mo\u017enost vyu\u017eil, a rozv\u00edjel se svou dcerkou vztah, kter\u00fd pramen\u00ed ze vz\u00e1jemn\u00e9 touhy po\u00a0 l\u00e1skypln\u00e9 komunikaci, a ne z povinnosti.<\/p>\n

V ka\u017ed\u00e9m vztahu si ka\u017ed\u00fd z\u00fa\u010dastn\u011bn\u00fd nese sv\u016fj pod\u00edl odpov\u011bdnosti. I otec, i dcera, nejen ty. Tv\u00fdm \u00fakolem, vzhledem k tomu, \u017ee je tvoj\u00ed volbou<\/strong> se odst\u011bhovat do \u010cech, je b\u00fdt k jejich vztahu otev\u0159en\u00e1 a pozitivn\u011b nalad\u011bn\u00e1. Zbytek u\u017e je na nich.<\/p>\n

T\u00e9ma rozvodu je na dlouh\u00e9 lokte. R\u00e1da se k n\u011bmu je\u0161t\u011b podrobn\u011bji vyj\u00e1d\u0159\u00edm v odpov\u011bd\u00edch na p\u0159\u00edpadn\u00e9 koment\u00e1\u0159e. Zvl\u00e1\u0161t\u011b zaj\u00edmav\u00e9 a cenn\u00e9 by bylo se na to pod\u00edvat i z hlediska mu\u017e\u016f, \u201erozveden\u00fdch\u201c od sv\u00fdch d\u011bt\u00ed, nebo\u0165 je pravidlem, \u017ee d\u011bti z\u016fst\u00e1vaj\u00ed u matek. Uv\u00edt\u00e1m koment\u00e1\u0159e \u010dten\u00e1\u0159\u016f \u2013 otc\u016f o tom, jak se vyrovn\u00e1vaj\u00ed s touto ztr\u00e1tou, jak\u00e9 jsou (pop\u0159. byly) jejich pocity a jak\u00e1 na\u0161li praktick\u00e1 \u0159e\u0161en\u00ed.<\/p>\n

D\u011bkuji za dotaz a za d\u016fv\u011bru a t\u011b\u0161\u00edm se na dal\u0161\u00ed internetovou konverzaci.<\/p>\n

S l\u00e1skou Kalli<\/p>\n

http:\/\/www.cesivrecku.cz\/kalli-radi-pojedenacte\/ <\/a> 27.10.2013<\/span>10 koment\u00e1\u0159\u016f<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Mil\u00e1 Kalli, mysl\u00ed\u0161 si, \u017ee je d\u016fle\u017eit\u00e9, aby moje d\u00edt\u011b vyr\u016fstalo i s t\u00e1tou? Jsem te\u010f p\u0159ed rozvodem, \u017eila jsem n\u011bkolik let v \u0158ecku, m\u00e1m 5ti-letou dceru. Budeme se st\u011bhovat s dcerou zp\u011bt do \u010cech. V\u016fbec nev\u00edm jak to ud\u011blat nejl\u00e9pe, aby odlou\u010den\u00edm netrp\u011bla. Sta\u010d\u00ed pos\u00edlat na pr\u00e1zdniny? Jak ji m\u00e1m udr\u017eovat znalost jazyka, aby […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1079,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nKalli rad\u00ed (11) Odlou\u010den\u00ed od t\u00e1ty - Kalliopi Anthi<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/kalli-radi-11-odlouceni-od-taty\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"cs_CZ\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Kalli rad\u00ed (11) Odlou\u010den\u00ed od t\u00e1ty - Kalliopi Anthi\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Mil\u00e1 Kalli, mysl\u00ed\u0161 si, \u017ee je d\u016fle\u017eit\u00e9, aby moje d\u00edt\u011b vyr\u016fstalo i s t\u00e1tou? Jsem te\u010f p\u0159ed rozvodem, \u017eila jsem n\u011bkolik let v \u0158ecku, m\u00e1m 5ti-letou dceru. Budeme se st\u011bhovat s dcerou zp\u011bt do \u010cech. V\u016fbec nev\u00edm jak to ud\u011blat nejl\u00e9pe, aby odlou\u010den\u00edm netrp\u011bla. Sta\u010d\u00ed pos\u00edlat na pr\u00e1zdniny? 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