{"id":405,"date":"2018-11-29T08:59:46","date_gmt":"2018-11-29T06:59:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/gocreations.info\/kalliopianthi\/?p=405"},"modified":"2020-03-12T21:24:17","modified_gmt":"2020-03-12T19:24:17","slug":"kalli-radi-14-vztah-s-tatou","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/kalli-radi-14-vztah-s-tatou\/","title":{"rendered":"Kalli rad\u00ed (14) Vztah s t\u00e1tou"},"content":{"rendered":"

Ahoj Kalli, cht\u011bla bych T\u011b poprosit o radu ohledn\u011b m\u00e9ho t\u00e1ty. Vztah s m\u00fdm t\u00e1tou je hodn\u011b slo\u017eit\u00fd a sna\u017e\u00edm se ho \u0159e\u0161it r\u016fzn\u00fdmi zp\u016fsoby.<\/em><\/p>\n

Jedna v\u011bc, co m\u011b docela dost tr\u00e1p\u00ed, je t\u00e9ma porodu. Kdy\u017e maminka rodila m\u011b a s\u00e9gru, tak u toho t\u00e1ta byl. Nev\u00edm, jak to prob\u00edhalo p\u0159i tom, mohl j\u00ed b\u00fdt oporou, to nechci v\u016fbec soudit. Jde sp\u00ed\u0161 o to, co se d\u011blo pak. V\u017edycky, kdy\u017e jsem m\u011bla j\u00e1 nebo s\u00e9gra narozeniny, p\u0159ipom\u00ednal to t\u00e1ta mamce, kterou to hrozn\u011b roz\u010dilovalo, dost nevyb\u00edrav\u00fdm zp\u016fsobem a d\u011blal si z n\u00ed legraci. J\u00e1 ne\u0159\u00edk\u00e1m, \u017ee j\u00ed cht\u011bl z\u00e1m\u011brn\u011b ranit, podle m\u011b v\u016fbec nev\u011bd\u011bl, jak moc je to citliv\u00fd t\u00e9ma. Oprav\u0148uje ho to, ale? (to je v\u017edycky moje velk\u00fd dilema, m\u00e1m pr\u00e1vo se na n\u011bj zlobit, kdy\u017e „nev\u00ed, co \u010din\u00ed“?) V\u017edycky, kdy\u017e si na to tedy vzpomn\u011bl, tak parodoval mam\u010din porod; bu\u010f m\u011bl nem\u00edstn\u00fd pozn\u00e1mky nebo \u0159\u00edkal v\u011bci jako: „hele, pamatuje\u0161 takhle p\u0159ed „x“ lety? jak jsi d\u011blala: uff, uff“ co\u017e asi pova\u017eoval za vtipn\u00fd, ale jednak jsem hodn\u011b c\u00edtila, jak to mamku poni\u017euje a jednak to poni\u017eovalo i n\u00e1s – nehled\u011b na to, \u017ee jako d\u00edt\u011b m\u00e1 \u010dlov\u011bk pocit, \u017ee se n\u011bjak provinil, kdy\u017e maminku do takov\u00e9 situace vlastn\u011b „p\u0159ivedl“.<\/em><\/p>\n

Kdy\u017e jsem byla mal\u00e1, tak se taky v\u017edycky k n\u00e1m d\u011btem a k m\u00e1m\u011b choval, jakoby na\u0161\u00ed rodinu d\u011blil – na sebe a na ty ostatn\u00ed. A v\u017edycky, kdy\u017e t\u0159eba n\u011bco, co jsem uvedla naho\u0159e, \u0159ekl na ve\u0159ejnosti, m\u011bla jsem pocit, jako bych ho a\u017e nen\u00e1vid\u011bla. Minim\u00e1ln\u011b jsem na n\u011bj m\u011bla hrozn\u00fd vztek kter\u00fd p\u0159etrv\u00e1v\u00e1 do dne\u0161ka, a\u010dkoliv moc nerozum\u00edm tomu pro\u010d p\u0159esn\u011b, kdy\u017e u\u017e je to tak d\u00e1vno… M\u00e1m taky probl\u00e9m s t\u00edm, \u017ee se za m\u011b skoro nikdy, kdy\u017e jsem ho pot\u0159ebovala, doopravdy nepostavil. Nikdy se m\u011b nezastal, ani m\u011b nepodpo\u0159il. A m\u011b p\u0159epad\u00e1 st\u0159\u00eddav\u011b pocit vzteku a st\u0159\u00eddav\u011b pocit v\u00fd\u010ditek. Vztek m\u00e1m na t\u00e1tu, jak se choval, ale m\u00e1m i vztek na sebe, proto\u017ee jsem moc velkej srab na to, ne\u017e abych mu to \u0159ekla. Nev\u00edm, jak m\u00e1m naj\u00edt s\u00edlu k tomu, abych to nechala j\u00edt, abych mu odpustila. Pron\u00e1sleduje m\u011b to a nev\u00edm, jak z toho ven. U\u017e se nechci zlobit ani nechci c\u00edtit nen\u00e1vist. Mohla bys mi pros\u00edm poradit, jak s t\u00edm pracovat? D\u011bkuju, s l\u00e1skou A.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Mil\u00e1 A.,<\/p>\n

Mysl\u00edm, \u017ee rozum\u00edm tomu, co t\u011b nejv\u00edc bol\u00ed ve vztahu s t\u00e1tou. V\u011b\u0159\u00edm, \u017ee ka\u017ed\u00e9 d\u00edt\u011b tou\u017e\u00ed a pot\u0159ebuje sv\u00e9ho t\u00e1tu obdivovat a v\u00e1\u017eit si ho. Poka\u017ed\u00e9, kdy\u017e se t\u00e1ta chov\u00e1 zp\u016fsobem, kter\u00fd je pro n\u011bj ve tv\u00fdch o\u010d\u00edch poni\u017euj\u00edc\u00ed a kter\u00fd t\u011b nut\u00ed, aby ses za n\u011bj styd\u011bla, m\u00edsto abys byla na n\u011bj py\u0161n\u00e1, tak t\u011b zra\u0148uje. Poka\u017ed\u00e9, kdy\u017e se v\u00e1m (d\u011btem a mamince) vysm\u00edv\u00e1 nebo v\u00e1s kritizuje, m\u00edsto aby v\u00e1s ocenil, pochv\u00e1lil a dodal v\u00e1m odvahy, tak t\u011b zra\u0148uje. A v\u017edycky, kdy\u017e v tob\u011b vyvol\u00e1v\u00e1 strach m\u00edsto pocitu bezpe\u010d\u00ed, tak t\u011b zra\u0148uje.<\/p>\n

Ka\u017ed\u00e9 zran\u011bn\u00ed je doprov\u00e1zen\u00e9 bolest\u00ed. Z bolesti se rod\u00ed vztek a nen\u00e1vist.<\/p>\n

Ale je dobr\u00e9 nezapomenout, \u017ee za t\u00edm v\u0161\u00edm je schovan\u00e1 l\u00e1ska. Kdybys ho nemilovala a kdybys nepot\u0159ebovala jeho l\u00e1sku, tak by ti bylo jeho chov\u00e1n\u00ed mnohem lhostejn\u011bj\u0161\u00ed a tvoje bolest by byla mnohem m\u00edrn\u011bj\u0161\u00ed. N\u011bkte\u0159\u00ed lid\u00e9 \u0159e\u0161\u00ed podobn\u00e9 konflikty t\u00edm, \u017ee na l\u00e1sku v sob\u011b zapomenou, \u017ee se od n\u00ed izoluj\u00ed, a \u017ee p\u011bstuj\u00ed sv\u016fj hn\u011bv a nen\u00e1vist, proto\u017ee tak se cht\u011bj\u00ed chr\u00e1nit p\u0159ed bolest\u00ed. Je pravda, \u017ee kdy\u017e m\u00e1me na sob\u011b brn\u011bn\u00ed, tak bolest tolik nec\u00edt\u00edme. Ale tak\u00e9 ztr\u00e1c\u00edme kus sebe, proto\u017ee pak sami nem\u00e1me kontakt se sv\u00fdmi pocity… A taky n\u00e1m brn\u011bn\u00ed br\u00e1n\u00ed v tom, aby ostatn\u00ed vid\u011bli na\u0161i n\u011b\u017enou, citlivou \u010d\u00e1st.<\/p>\n

Mil\u00e1 A., co kdy\u017e tv\u016fj t\u00e1ta taky nos\u00ed takov\u00e9 brn\u011bn\u00ed? Co kdy\u017e je pr\u00e1v\u011b tohle brn\u011bn\u00ed p\u0159\u00ed\u010dinou toho, \u017ee se chov\u00e1 tak necitliv\u011b? Co pod n\u00edm schov\u00e1v\u00e1?<\/p>\n

P\u0159em\u00fd\u0161lela jsem nad jeho reakc\u00ed v\u017edy, kdy\u017e vzpom\u00edn\u00e1 na va\u0161e narozen\u00ed. To, jak se chov\u00e1, sv\u011bd\u010d\u00ed o tom, \u017ee m\u00e1 velk\u00e9 rozpaky.<\/p>\n

Kdy\u017e \u017eena rod\u00ed, je to z\u00e1zrak, je to chv\u00edle mezi \u017eivotem a smrt\u00ed, chv\u00edle velk\u00e9 bolesti a velk\u00e9 radosti sou\u010dasn\u011b, chv\u00edle osvobozen\u00ed a sou\u010dasn\u011b z\u00e1vazku, kter\u00fd je na cel\u00fd \u017eivot. (M\u00e1m na mysli to vnit\u0159n\u00ed spojen\u00ed mezi matkou a d\u00edt\u011btem, ne jenom povinnost se o d\u00edt\u011b starat). Chv\u00edle porodu je chv\u00edle velk\u00e9ho myst\u00e9ria \u017eivota. Mu\u017e (pozorovatel), kter\u00fd je na to zral\u00fd, ji pro\u017eije jako nezapomenutelnou chv\u00edli dojet\u00ed, pokory a radosti. Mu\u017e, kter\u00fd na to nen\u00ed p\u0159ipraven, ji m\u016f\u017ee pro\u017e\u00edt jako trauma. Vid\u011bt n\u011bkoho bl\u00edzk\u00e9ho, jak trp\u00ed, a c\u00edtit neschopnost mu pomoct nebo b\u00fdt jak\u00fdmkoliv zp\u016fsobem u\u017eite\u010dn\u00fd, m\u016f\u017ee zp\u016fsobit velk\u00e9 rozpaky, pocit nedostate\u010dnosti a hn\u011bvu. A v\u0161echny tyto negativn\u00ed pocity se pak m\u016f\u017eou obr\u00e1tit proti t\u00e9, kter\u00e1 si je v\u016fbec nezaslou\u017e\u00ed, v\u016f\u010di rod\u00edc\u00ed mamince. Nev\u00edm, jestli to byla volba tv\u00e9ho t\u00e1ty, b\u00fdt p\u0159\u00edtomen porodu. \u0158\u00edk\u00e1m si ale, jestli n\u011bkdy my \u017eeny netla\u010d\u00edme na sv\u00e9 partnery, aby byli siln\u011bj\u0161\u00ed, schopn\u011bj\u0161\u00ed a dokonalej\u0161\u00ed, ne\u017e oni dok\u00e1\u017e\u00ed v tu chv\u00edli b\u00fdt. My je chceme a pot\u0159ebujeme m\u00edt siln\u00e9, abychom se o n\u011b mohly op\u0159\u00edt, ale pokud nejsou takov\u00ed, jak\u00e9 je chceme, pak se na\u0161i partne\u0159i c\u00edt\u00ed, \u017ee jsou nedostate\u010dn\u00ed, nehodn\u00ed na\u0161\u00ed l\u00e1sky a odm\u00edtan\u00ed. A pr\u00e1v\u011b proto maj\u00ed tendence n\u00e1s poni\u017eovat, nebo\u0165 se sami c\u00edt\u00ed pon\u00ed\u017een\u00ed. Kdy\u017e je n\u011bkdo hodn\u011b n\u00edzko, co se t\u00fdk\u00e1 sebev\u011bdom\u00ed a sebep\u0159ijet\u00ed, a vid\u00ed n\u011bkoho hodn\u011b vysoko nad sebou, m\u00e1 dv\u011b mo\u017enosti. Prvn\u00ed, pozitivn\u00ed, je pokusit se tak\u00e9 dostat nahoru. Pokud si ale n\u011bkdo nev\u011b\u0159\u00ed, \u017ee to dok\u00e1\u017ee, tak jedn\u00e1 druh\u00fdm zp\u016fsobem, sna\u017e\u00ed se sv\u00e9ho partnera \u201eshodit\u201c.<\/p>\n

\u0158ekla bych, \u017ee tv\u016fj t\u00e1ta kamufluje pocity m\u00e9n\u011bcennosti a strachu. \u017de se srovn\u00e1v\u00e1 s maminkou a mo\u017en\u00e1 i s v\u00e1mi d\u011btmi, a c\u00edt\u00ed se hor\u0161\u00ed. Proto v\u00e1s kritizuje, podkop\u00e1v\u00e1 sebev\u011bdom\u00ed a posm\u00edv\u00e1 se v\u00e1m. Kdy\u017e ho bude\u0161 tak\u00e9 kritizovat a odm\u00edtat, budete se motat v bludn\u00e9m kruhu. Pravd\u011bpodobn\u011b to bude po\u0159\u00e1d stejn\u00e9, pop\u0159\u00edpad\u011b hor\u0161\u00ed. Podle mne existuje jedna cesti\u010dka, ne\u0159\u00edk\u00e1m, \u017ee snadn\u00e1, ale snad by mohla v\u00e9st z kruhu hn\u011bvu a odm\u00edt\u00e1n\u00ed…<\/p>\n

Vyj\u00e1d\u0159it mu up\u0159\u00edmn\u011b sv\u00e9 pocity, bez kritiky a napad\u00e1n\u00ed, pouze \u0159\u00edct, co c\u00edt\u00ed\u0161 a co by sis p\u0159\u00e1la. N\u011bco ve smyslu: \u201eT\u00e1to, v\u017edycky kdy\u017e se posm\u00edv\u00e1\u0161 mn\u011b nebo m\u00e1m\u011b, c\u00edt\u00edm, \u017ee t\u011b nesn\u00e1\u0161\u00edm. A to j\u00e1 t\u00e1to nechci, j\u00e1 t\u011b chci milovat! Pros\u00edm t\u011b, ned\u011blej to. J\u00e1 v\u011b\u0159\u00edm, \u017ee n\u00e1s m\u00e1\u0161 r\u00e1d, proto\u017ee v\u00edm, \u017ee j\u00e1 tebe m\u00e1m r\u00e1da!\u201c Kdy\u017e se zam\u011b\u0159\u00ed\u0161 na to dobr\u00e9, co v n\u011bm je, tak to mo\u017en\u00e1 i on s\u00e1m uvid\u00ed.<\/p>\n

P\u0159esto, pro p\u0159\u00edpad, \u017ee by to nevy\u0161lo… N\u011bkte\u0159\u00ed lid\u00e9 m\u016f\u017eou m\u00edt hluboko v sob\u011b zakotven\u00fd program sebedestrukce a sebeodm\u00edt\u00e1n\u00ed, a podle toho jednaj\u00ed. Proto podv\u011bdom\u011b vytv\u00e1\u0159ej\u00ed situace, kdy tr\u00e1p\u00ed sami sebe a tak\u00e9 lidi, kter\u00e9 maj\u00ed r\u00e1di. Pokud by to tak bylo v p\u0159\u00edpad\u011b tv\u00e9ho t\u00e1ty, tak toho nem\u016f\u017ee\u0161 moc ud\u011blat, m\u011bl by to nahl\u00e9dnout a pokusit se zm\u011bnit s\u00e1m. To, co ale m\u016f\u017ee\u0161 a je to i tvoj\u00ed v\u00fdzvou, je nepokra\u010dovat v destrukci. Nehr\u00e1t tu hru s n\u00edm. Z\u016fstat v l\u00e1sce. To znamen\u00e1, st\u00e1t si za t\u00edm, \u017ee nesouhlas\u00ed\u0161 s t\u00e1tov\u00fdm jedn\u00e1n\u00edm, ale p\u0159esto ho m\u00edt r\u00e1da jako t\u00e1tu. A nenechat se jeho chov\u00e1n\u00edm zranit, proto\u017ee u\u017e nebude\u0161 vy\u017eadovat, aby byl jin\u00fd, lep\u0161\u00ed ne\u017e je. Br\u00e1t ho takov\u00e9ho, jak\u00fd je.<\/p>\n

Ohledn\u011b nen\u00e1visti… V\u00ed\u0161, m\u011bla jsem i p\u0159\u00edpady klient\u016f, kde m\u011bli jejich rodi\u010de psychotick\u00e9 rysy, kdy doch\u00e1zelo k ubli\u017eov\u00e1n\u00ed a t\u00fdr\u00e1n\u00ed psychick\u00e9mu i t\u011blesn\u00e9mu, tak\u00e9 k sexu\u00e1ln\u00edmu obt\u011b\u017eov\u00e1n\u00ed. Nen\u00ed to snadn\u00e9 takov\u00e9 z\u00e1\u017eitky v sob\u011b srovnat! Ale ti lid\u00e9 pot\u0159ebovali v sob\u011b naj\u00edt m\u00edr. Pokud \u010dlov\u011bk nen\u00e1vid\u00ed sv\u00e9 rodi\u010de, t\u011b\u017eko m\u016f\u017ee milovat s\u00e1m sebe. Na druh\u00e9 stran\u011b, pokud se je sna\u017e\u00ed omlouvat a povrchn\u011b jim odpustit, pak zleh\u010duje a pop\u00edr\u00e1 svoji bolest. Je pravda, \u017ee si jako d\u011bti zaslou\u017e\u00edme m\u00edt rodi\u010de, kte\u0159\u00ed jsou zral\u00ed a vyrovnan\u00ed lid\u00e9, pln\u00ed l\u00e1sky. Zaslou\u017e\u00edme si l\u00e1sku cel\u00e9ho sv\u011bta! Ale pokud jsme se narodili rodi\u010d\u016fm, kte\u0159\u00ed jsou sami zran\u011bn\u00ed nebo jsou psychicky nemocn\u00ed, tak po nich nem\u016f\u017eeme vy\u017eadovat, aby n\u00e1m dali n\u011bco, co sami nemaj\u00ed.<\/p>\n

P\u0159em\u00fd\u0161l\u00edm nad tv\u00fdmi slovy, \u017ee t\u00e1ta d\u011blil rodinu na sebe a ty ostatn\u00ed. St\u00e1v\u00e1 se, \u017ee se dobr\u00fd vztah mezi man\u017eely po narozen\u00ed d\u011bt\u00ed zhor\u0161\u00ed. Nen\u00ed to v\u017edycky snadn\u00e9, aby se z dvou lid\u00ed stali rodi\u010de. Biologicky se stanou t\u00edm, \u017ee p\u0159ivedou na sv\u011bt potomky, ale psychicky, to aby se c\u00edtili<\/strong> m\u00e1mou nebo t\u00e1tou, m\u016f\u017ee n\u011bkdy n\u011bjakou dobu trvat. Pro \u017eenu je to v\u011bt\u0161inou jednodu\u0161\u0161\u00ed, m\u00e1 to geneticky v programu, od mali\u010dka si hraje s panenkami a doba t\u011bhotenstv\u00ed ji na mate\u0159stv\u00ed postupn\u011b p\u0159ipravuje. Pro mu\u017ee je to obt\u00ed\u017en\u011bj\u0161\u00ed. Stane se otcem ze dne na den a z\u00e1le\u017e\u00ed hodn\u011b na jeho vztahu a l\u00e1sce k partnerce, a tak\u00e9 na tom, aby byl partnerkou ocen\u011bn a p\u0159ijat jako otec, aby si mohl k d\u00edt\u011bti vytvo\u0159it otcovsk\u00fd vztah. V \u0159e\u010dtin\u011b na to m\u00e1me hezk\u00fd v\u00fdraz \u00ab\u03c0\u03b1\u03c4\u03c1\u03bf\u03c0\u03bf\u03af\u03b7\u03c3\u03b7\u00bb, a v podstat\u011b znamen\u00e1 to, \u017ee mu\u017e p\u0159ijal roli otce. \u017de d\u00edt\u011b bere jako sv\u00e9 vlastn\u00ed a p\u0159ij\u00edm\u00e1 zodpov\u011bdnost ho milovat a chr\u00e1nit. My \u017eeny, jako matky, se n\u011bkdy dopou\u0161t\u00edme chyby, \u017ee d\u00edt\u011b vn\u00edm\u00e1me jako n\u011bco \u201ena\u0161eho\u201c a man\u017eela z tohoto vztahu jaksi vylou\u010d\u00edme. D\u00edt\u011b se stane centrem na\u0161eho \u017eivota a partner se c\u00edt\u00ed b\u00fdt odstr\u010den\u00fd. M\u016f\u017ee za\u010d\u00edt na d\u011bti i \u017e\u00e1rlit, pokud m\u00e1 pocit, \u017ee ho man\u017eelka p\u0159estala milovat (zvl\u00e1\u0161\u0165, pokud m\u00e1 nezahojen\u00e9 r\u00e1ny z d\u011btstv\u00ed a pokud mu man\u017eelka d\u011blala tak trochu i maminku). V takov\u00e9m p\u0159\u00edpad\u011b nevn\u00edm\u00e1, \u017ee by se on odd\u011bloval od zbytku rodiny, ale \u017ee je vy\u0159azen. A to je pravd\u011bpodobn\u011b dal\u0161\u00edm z d\u016fvod\u016f jeho hn\u011bvu a agresivity. M\u016f\u017ee se podv\u011bdom\u011b za\u010d\u00edt man\u017eelce \u201emst\u00edt\u201c, nespolupracovat s n\u00ed p\u0159i v\u00fdchov\u011b d\u011bt\u00ed, nepod\u00edlet se na spole\u010dn\u00fdch akc\u00edch, posm\u00edvat se, kritizovat a jinak j\u00ed ubli\u017eovat. Kdy\u017e maj\u00ed lid\u00e9 \u0161patn\u00e9 sv\u011bdom\u00ed, ale p\u0159esto ho neposlouchaj\u00ed, tak se za\u010dnou obr\u0148ovat a \u010d\u00edm v\u00edc druh\u00e9 dus\u00ed, t\u00edm m\u00ed\u0148 si to p\u0159ipou\u0161t\u011bj\u00ed. Proto je d\u016fle\u017eit\u00e9, aby se ka\u017ed\u00fd chr\u00e1nil s\u00e1m, aby nedovoloval druh\u00fdm lidem, aby ho tr\u00e1pili. Proto\u017ee jen tak m\u016f\u017ee ochr\u00e1nit sebe, aby se nestal ob\u011bt\u00ed, a toho druh\u00e9ho, aby se nestal vin\u00edkem. Ale to samoz\u0159ejm\u011b plat\u00ed jenom pro dosp\u011bl\u00e9. D\u00edt\u011b se nem\u016f\u017ee br\u00e1nit. Ale man\u017eelka by m\u011bla…<\/p>\n

Pokud se man\u017eelka nebr\u00e1n\u00ed, pokud si nestanov\u00ed n\u011bjak\u00e9 hranice, kter\u00e9 partnerovi nedovol\u00ed p\u0159estoupit a pokud v sob\u011b dus\u00ed pocity k\u0159ivdy a nespravedlnosti, je mo\u017en\u00e9, \u017ee se tyto jej\u00ed pocity p\u0159enesou na d\u011bti. A to je pak probl\u00e9m. Zn\u00e1m hodn\u011b dosp\u011bl\u00fdch, kte\u0159\u00ed v sob\u011b nesou enormn\u00ed mno\u017estv\u00ed bolesti a vzteku, proto\u017ee maj\u00ed v sob\u011b nejen emoce vlastn\u00ed, ale tak\u00e9 sv\u00fdch rodi\u010d\u016f. V praxi to vypad\u00e1 tak, \u017ee se t\u0159eba matka ml\u010dky tr\u00e1p\u00ed a dcera otci nahlas nad\u00e1v\u00e1 za to, co ud\u011blal matce. To zp\u016fsobuje dal\u0161\u00ed konflikt, proto\u017ee reakci, kterou by otec od sv\u00e9 man\u017eelky sn\u00e1z pochopil a respektoval, od sv\u00e9 dcery pova\u017euje za drzost. A p\u0159esto, \u017ee jsou pocity nespravedlnosti ventilov\u00e1ny, nedoch\u00e1z\u00ed k \u017e\u00e1dn\u00e9mu pozitivn\u00edmu \u0159e\u0161en\u00ed. V takov\u00fdch p\u0159\u00edpadech je dobr\u00e9 ud\u011blat rodinnou konstelaci (tj. metoda, p\u0159i kter\u00e9 vyjde na povrch skryt\u00e1 dynamika mezi \u010dleny rodiny), aby se vztahy ujasnily a aby ka\u017ed\u00fd p\u0159evzal zodpov\u011bdnost za vlastn\u00ed pocity. Pomoc\u00ed konstelace bys mohla rozli\u0161it, kolik z toho vzteku, co t\u011b zahlcuje, ti opravdu pat\u0159\u00ed. Ale co potom s n\u00edm…?<\/p>\n

Hn\u011bv a vztek nen\u00ed dobr\u00e9 potla\u010dit, to by nebylo \u0159e\u0161en\u00ed. Naopak! Na\u0161e emoce jsou velmi d\u016fle\u017eit\u00e9, jsou zrcadlem, kter\u00e9 n\u00e1m ukazuje, co se uvnit\u0159 n\u00e1s pr\u00e1v\u011b d\u011bje. Emoce je pot\u0159eba vyj\u00e1d\u0159it, uvolnit. Pokud mo\u017eno vhodn\u00fdm zp\u016fsobem, aby nedo\u0161lo k dal\u0161\u00edm nedorozum\u011bn\u00edm a komplikac\u00edm. Jsou r\u016fzn\u00e9 druhy hn\u011bvu a bylo by to na dlouh\u00e9 pov\u00edd\u00e1n\u00ed… To, co je d\u016fle\u017eit\u00e9 pro \u201eprvn\u00ed pomoc\u201c (v r\u00e1mci p\u00edsemn\u00e9 rady), je rozli\u0161it hn\u011bv prim\u00e1rn\u00ed od hn\u011bvu nahromad\u011bn\u00e9ho a p\u0159ejat\u00e9ho. Prim\u00e1rn\u00ed hn\u011bv je ten, kter\u00fd vznikl zrovna v tuto chv\u00edli a z konkr\u00e9tn\u00edho podn\u011btu (nap\u0159. kdy\u017e do tebe n\u011bkdo vraz\u00ed) a tento hn\u011bv je vhodn\u00e9 vyj\u00e1d\u0159it p\u0159\u00edmo. Reakce posti\u017een\u00e9ho b\u00fdv\u00e1 v\u011bt\u0161inou adekv\u00e1tn\u00ed k podn\u011btu a \u010dlov\u011bk, kter\u00fd ti ubl\u00ed\u017eil, tuto reakci vn\u00edm\u00e1 jako p\u0159irozenou. U hn\u011bvu nahromad\u011bn\u00e9ho (za dlouh\u00e1 l\u00e9ta) nebo p\u0159ejat\u00e9ho (nap\u0159. mamin\u010din hn\u011bv), m\u016f\u017ee b\u00fdt na\u0161e reakce hodn\u011b nep\u0159im\u011b\u0159en\u00e1 podn\u011btu (\u0161l\u00e1pl mi na nohu a j\u00e1 m\u00e1m chu\u0165 ho zab\u00edt), a proto je pro druh\u00e9ho \u010dlov\u011bka nepochopiteln\u00e1 a nep\u0159ijateln\u00e1. Takov\u00fd nahromad\u011bn\u00fd vztek nep\u0159ejde \u201evy\u0159\u00edk\u00e1n\u00edm si\u201c, ten se mus\u00ed uvolnit c\u00edlen\u011b pomoc\u00ed r\u016fzn\u00fdch technik a na r\u016fzn\u00fdch \u00farovn\u00edch . Na t\u011blesn\u00e9 \u00farovni nap\u0159. pom\u00e1h\u00e1 ml\u00e1cen\u00ed do pol\u0161t\u00e1\u0159e, jogging, box, tanec aj. \u010dinnosti, p\u0159i kter\u00fdch uvoln\u00edme nap\u011bt\u00ed, agresivitu a nervozitu z t\u011bla. Na \u00farovni ment\u00e1ln\u00ed a emocion\u00e1ln\u00ed bych doporu\u010dovala psychoterapii, kter\u00e1 by ti pomohla se zorientovat v tom, co p\u0159esn\u011b se v tob\u011b d\u011bje, jak\u00fd je sp\u00ednac\u00ed mechanismus pro tv\u016fj vztek a jak ho prom\u011bnit v jinou formu energie a vyu\u017e\u00edt pro n\u011bco dobr\u00e9ho. Psychoterapie by ti mohla pomoct zahojit r\u00e1ny a oslabit touhu po pomst\u011b, kter\u00e1 je sama o sob\u011b zra\u0148uj\u00edc\u00ed, proto\u017ee pop\u00edr\u00e1 l\u00e1sku.<\/p>\n

To, co je nejd\u016fle\u017eit\u011bj\u0161\u00ed, je abys nepop\u0159ela v sob\u011b l\u00e1sku, k t\u00e1tovi a n\u00e1sledn\u011b i k mu\u017e\u016fm obecn\u011b. Proto\u017ee pokud bude\u0161 m\u00edt nezhojen\u00e9 r\u00e1ny od tat\u00ednka, tak i kdyby t\u011b n\u011bjak\u00fd jin\u00fd mu\u017e cht\u011bl pohladit, tak t\u011b to zabol\u00ed. Ne proto, \u017ee by ten jin\u00fd mu\u017e m\u011bl drsn\u00fd dotek, ale proto, \u017ee se dot\u00fdk\u00e1 r\u00e1ny.<\/p>\n

P\u0159eji hodn\u011b \u0161t\u011bst\u00ed! Kalli<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

http:\/\/www.cesivrecku.cz\/kalli-radi-poctrnacte\/<\/a> 19.5.2014<\/span>3 koment\u00e1\u0159\u016f<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ahoj Kalli, cht\u011bla bych T\u011b poprosit o radu ohledn\u011b m\u00e9ho t\u00e1ty. Vztah s m\u00fdm t\u00e1tou je hodn\u011b slo\u017eit\u00fd a sna\u017e\u00edm se ho \u0159e\u0161it r\u016fzn\u00fdmi zp\u016fsoby. Jedna v\u011bc, co m\u011b docela dost tr\u00e1p\u00ed, je t\u00e9ma porodu. Kdy\u017e maminka rodila m\u011b a s\u00e9gru, tak u toho t\u00e1ta byl. Nev\u00edm, jak to prob\u00edhalo p\u0159i tom, mohl j\u00ed b\u00fdt […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1217,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nKalli rad\u00ed (14) Vztah s t\u00e1tou - Kalliopi Anthi<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/kalli-radi-14-vztah-s-tatou\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"cs_CZ\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Kalli rad\u00ed (14) Vztah s t\u00e1tou - Kalliopi Anthi\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Ahoj Kalli, cht\u011bla bych T\u011b poprosit o radu ohledn\u011b m\u00e9ho t\u00e1ty. Vztah s m\u00fdm t\u00e1tou je hodn\u011b slo\u017eit\u00fd a sna\u017e\u00edm se ho \u0159e\u0161it r\u016fzn\u00fdmi zp\u016fsoby. Jedna v\u011bc, co m\u011b docela dost tr\u00e1p\u00ed, je t\u00e9ma porodu. Kdy\u017e maminka rodila m\u011b a s\u00e9gru, tak u toho t\u00e1ta byl. Nev\u00edm, jak to prob\u00edhalo p\u0159i tom, mohl j\u00ed b\u00fdt […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/kalli-radi-14-vztah-s-tatou\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Kalliopi Anthi\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2018-11-29T06:59:46+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2020-03-12T19:24:17+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/otec-s-d\u00edt\u011btem-z\u00e1pad-slunce.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2048\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1365\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"gocreations\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Napsal(a)\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"gocreations\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Odhadovan\u00e1 doba \u010dten\u00ed\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"14 minut\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/kalli-radi-14-vztah-s-tatou\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/kalli-radi-14-vztah-s-tatou\/\",\"name\":\"Kalli rad\u00ed (14) Vztah s t\u00e1tou - Kalliopi Anthi\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2018-11-29T06:59:46+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2020-03-12T19:24:17+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/#\/schema\/person\/57a756fc630be3db43e4e72ba2f1e99f\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/kalli-radi-14-vztah-s-tatou\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"cs\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/kalli-radi-14-vztah-s-tatou\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/kalli-radi-14-vztah-s-tatou\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Kalli rad\u00ed (14) Vztah s t\u00e1tou\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/\",\"name\":\"Kalliopi Anthi\",\"description\":\"Poradce osobn\u00edho rozvoje\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"cs\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/#\/schema\/person\/57a756fc630be3db43e4e72ba2f1e99f\",\"name\":\"gocreations\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/author\/gocreations\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Kalli rad\u00ed (14) Vztah s t\u00e1tou - Kalliopi Anthi","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/kalli-radi-14-vztah-s-tatou\/","og_locale":"cs_CZ","og_type":"article","og_title":"Kalli rad\u00ed (14) Vztah s t\u00e1tou - Kalliopi Anthi","og_description":"Ahoj Kalli, cht\u011bla bych T\u011b poprosit o radu ohledn\u011b m\u00e9ho t\u00e1ty. Vztah s m\u00fdm t\u00e1tou je hodn\u011b slo\u017eit\u00fd a sna\u017e\u00edm se ho \u0159e\u0161it r\u016fzn\u00fdmi zp\u016fsoby. Jedna v\u011bc, co m\u011b docela dost tr\u00e1p\u00ed, je t\u00e9ma porodu. Kdy\u017e maminka rodila m\u011b a s\u00e9gru, tak u toho t\u00e1ta byl. Nev\u00edm, jak to prob\u00edhalo p\u0159i tom, mohl j\u00ed b\u00fdt […]","og_url":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/kalli-radi-14-vztah-s-tatou\/","og_site_name":"Kalliopi Anthi","article_published_time":"2018-11-29T06:59:46+00:00","article_modified_time":"2020-03-12T19:24:17+00:00","og_image":[{"width":2048,"height":1365,"url":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/otec-s-d\u00edt\u011btem-z\u00e1pad-slunce.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"gocreations","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Napsal(a)":"gocreations","Odhadovan\u00e1 doba \u010dten\u00ed":"14 minut"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/kalli-radi-14-vztah-s-tatou\/","url":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/kalli-radi-14-vztah-s-tatou\/","name":"Kalli rad\u00ed (14) Vztah s t\u00e1tou - Kalliopi Anthi","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/#website"},"datePublished":"2018-11-29T06:59:46+00:00","dateModified":"2020-03-12T19:24:17+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/#\/schema\/person\/57a756fc630be3db43e4e72ba2f1e99f"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/kalli-radi-14-vztah-s-tatou\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"cs","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/kalli-radi-14-vztah-s-tatou\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/kalli-radi-14-vztah-s-tatou\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Kalli rad\u00ed (14) Vztah s t\u00e1tou"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/#website","url":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/","name":"Kalliopi Anthi","description":"Poradce osobn\u00edho rozvoje","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"cs"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/#\/schema\/person\/57a756fc630be3db43e4e72ba2f1e99f","name":"gocreations","url":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/author\/gocreations\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/405"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=405"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/405\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1201,"href":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/405\/revisions\/1201"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1217"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=405"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=405"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kalliopi-anthi.gr\/cs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=405"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}